In celebration of the first year of your wonderful life, I want to start this digital bookmark of all the things I wanted to tell you.
I am the type who always keeps notes. I write random notes about what I want to tell people. I send it to them sometimes, but mostly, I just keep the messages to myself as little reminders of how I felt during a particular time in my life. When Mason was born, the urge to write short love letters just went over the top. There's a lot of things I wanted to tell him and it literally feels like my heart is going to explode from all these feelings. I've always wanted to start #DearMason just so I could build a digital collection of short, sweet notes which he could maybe read back on someday when he's bigger and he could already understand. And now that he's one year old, I want to officially start #DearMason to celebrate the first year of his wonderful, amazing life.
Dear Mason,
You are mommy's dream come true.
I'm sure you are Dad's too, but mommy dreamed of you, wished for you, yearned for you, and prayed to God for you for so many years. Even before mom and dad got married, mommy wanted to have you so badly. But daddy said you will come in our lives at the most perfect time, and you did! You came when we were already married and settled in our own apartment and you have a nice cozy place to call your first home. You came when we're already parents to your furry poodle brothers and you actually had a squad waiting for you in the house when you were born. Most importantly, you came at the most perfect time when mommy's heart was completely ready for a new sense of purpose.
Dear Mason,
You made me realize how really strong I can be.
People say mothers are strong all the time. But I never understood the entire truth about that statement until I had you. You made me realize that being strong literally means having to face my greatest fear in life - having to go under the knife for a major operation - and embracing it with my entire soul just so I can deliver you safely and healthily into this world. You taught me that being strong means getting up every day, taking care of you, and running the house with almost zero sleep and not complaining. I had to ask for help several times, but mommy hates to complain because this is what I dreamed of for a long time and I am finally doing this now with you. Finally, you made me realize that being strong means looking at you in the eyes and knowing deep in my heart that there's nothing I won't bear for you. The world can get really cruel, and while I'd love to cover you up from all that negativity, mommy now understands that she needs to be strong enough to allow you to go through all those experiences so you grow up with courage, humility, resilience, grit, and respect. But I promise, I will be strong with you through all of it.
Dear Mason,
I was never really good at anything except loving you.
I was never "somebody" at anything. I was never outstanding and I never dreamed to be top of anything at all - really. At one point, I came to accept the fact that I might simply be a comfortable mediocre at most things. But if there's ever a title I take very seriously, it is being your mother. I know I will never be the best at anything else, but I don't think I will ever be able to accept not being the best mother to you. At this point in my life, that's all I care about. I don't give a fudge (yep, I censor my words now) about being the best employee, the best friend, the best whatever because I never intend to compete with the world. But being the best mother to you means that I am able to live my life's purpose and I'm pretty sure dad's also happy seeing that in me. Seeing you grow into this happy, healthy, and good-natured human being is by far my most important accomplishment.
Dear Mason,
I know you will find this too icky at some point.
I'm sorry but your mommy's too obsessed with you. Too bad your mom's also a writer, so you'll have to accept - whether you like it or not - that you'll always be the subject of mom's lyric and poetry. I guess what I really wanted to say to you is this: you have all this love around you. Mommy loves you so dearly, "to the moon and back" doesn't even measure how much. And it's not just mommy. You have so much love all round you from our family, friends, and community and I want you to take that all in, my darling sweetheart, because that's the most important fire you'll ever need in your life. I know soon you'll begin to outgrow a lot of things - breastfeeding, cuddling mommy, kissing mommy, telling mommy I love you - but I wish you never outgrow listening to me when I say: I love you so much and you have mommy's heart in your hands forever and always ♡
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