"Quiet and mystical, yet a very inspiring tireless idealist"
From all the personality tests available on the internet, probably one of the most popular (and accurate) is the Myers-Briggs personality classification. This basically lets you identify with a personality classification that determines your strengths, weaknesses, and tendencies based on your introversion and extroversion levels. The I in INFJ, for example, basically means that I'm an an introvert. So what does the rest of the acronym mean? You may check this website out to learn more about the INFJ personality or take the test to learn which type of personality you have. We're not gonna be speaking technical Psych jargons here, so let me break down what it really means when I say I'm an INFJ mom.
Organization is my religion.
INFJs are known for being perfectionists and idealists.
INFJs are all but defined by their pursuit of ideals. While this is a wonderful quality in many ways, an ideal situation is not always possible... INFJs too often drop or ignore healthy and productive situations and relationships, always believing there might be a better option down the road. -16 Personalities
I can't exactly consider myself as a perfectionist, but I have this one ideal that I'm forever obsessed with: order and routine in the house. I don't exactly strive for perfection, but I aim at achieving at least a semblance of order. Even before getting pregnant, I could not get through a day in a messy house. I often find myself thriving in an environment where there's minimal clutter and everything's organized into properly-assigned compartments. At first I thought I was over-reacting, but when I started having emotional outbursts all because of a cluttered house, I learned that the lack of organization is affecting me on a more mental and emotional level than I realized. It literally felt like the lack or order and organization isn't healthy for my sanity.
I also could not live without routine. I always find myself happier when my day follows a proper schedule as it assures me that if I follow this routine, everything will be taken cared of by the end of the day. Basically, it's my mind telling me that if I miss anything in my routine something will go wrong—and I get anxious just thinking about that. When I became a mom, this obsession for organization and routine went on a whole new level. Now my thinking is that there's another life depending on me to be organized, and that if I don't fix my routine properly I might not be able to feed him or bathe him on time, to plan his baby food menu properly, to do the groceries, to get him enough diaper supplies, among a plethora of other tasks. I have so much more in my head right now and the only way I was able to get through was by sticking to my organization system and daily routine schedule. As mothers, we all know how hard that is. Especially now that I'm exclusively breastfeeding, my schedule at home basically depends on my son's nap and feeding frequency, which also means it's almost never fixed. It was particularly difficult for an INFJ mom like me because it felt like I was totally losing balance and control. Little by little though, I was able to regain that sense of order and routine when I finally got the hang of this mothering thing. That was around my son's 1st birthday, I think.
RELATED: No, breastfeeding isn't easy.
I rarely have guests in the house.
I would just like to stress again that the I in INFJ stands for Introversion. Based on my Myers-Briggs test, my introversion level is at 93%. This doesn't mean that I am totally incapable of socialization, it's just that socialization takes so much of my energy so all of it has to be planned. Socialization becomes my weakness when it's spontaneous and forced. This means that most of the hangouts we do in the house with family and friends are planned way ahead. This is because I get so stressed whenever friends and family just spontaneously come by because I have to put the house in order first, to make sure everything's clean, spotless, and visitor-ready. That may sound normal to some people, but to me, it's actually a matter of choosing between being a calm mother happily entertaining guests or a being a haggard, panic-stricken mess who's trying so hard to balance making sure the baby looks presentable, having all the dogs calmed down, ensuring the living room's clean, and making sure the bathroom's spotless. I'm a crazy INFJ person like that. Also, I consider my home my sanctuary. It is where I run to when I need comfort, calm, and serenity. And as an INFJ mom, most of the time comfort, calm, and serenity require minimalism and solitude in the house. Similarly, I also find it hard going out of the house for events on last-minute's notice. I believe this is true for a lot of moms as there's so many things to consider before we can leave the house; from making sure the dogs are gonna be fed, that the baby has enough milk stash for the night, that there's actually gonna be somebody looking after him while you're gone, and that person's gonna make sure your baby won't get lonely and go crying for you - you know, all that stuff.
Independence and character-building are more important than good grades.
We all have dreams and visions of our children's future. Whenever I imagine Mason being older, deep in my heart I know that I want him to achieve whatever it is he truly desires. It also comes with a wish that whatever path he chooses, may he create that path himself and do everything in his abilities to make things happen. My own parents raised me to be as independent as I could since eldest children here in the Philippines are expected to be the most self-sufficient in the brood. However, even without that kind of rearing, I felt like it was natural for me to want to be independent. As an INFJ mom, it also feels natural to expect the same kind of self-reliance from my kid. The idea of having a self-reliant kid gives me a sense of assurance and confidence that whatever happens, my child will thrive and survive out there. However, this is not to say I'm forcing my 15-month old baby to be independent this early. I am actually not ready for him to not need me. Probably never will be in the next 15 years. At this point in his life, I am embracing, celebrating, and wallowing in his littleness and neediness because I love every bit of it and it honestly feels like that's my purpose in life. I love being needed by my baby above anything but I also love him enough to want to make sure that whatever happens in the future, he's going to be equipped with enough grit and self-trust to traverse adulthood independently. And he's gonna learn that when he's much much bigger and ready.
Apart from independence, it is also important to me that my son grows up with a set of virtues and ideals that will help him make the world a better place. We still have a few more years before my baby starts proper school, but even then I don't think I will ever be the kind of parent who cares more about grades and academic achievements.
The highest goal for INFJ parents is for their child’s choices and beliefs to culminate in a cause that they are able to act on, contributing to the world around them. -16 Personalities
If anything, I care mostly that my son respects his teachers and classmates, that he has good friends, and exudes positive influence on others. I'd care more that he also trusts our credibility as his parents in instilling these virtues and belief systems at home, so that he could confidently follow through with them outside the home as he's growing up.
Whenever I search for materials about INFJs, the results I get are usually not as lengthy as the other more popular personality types—exactly like when I try to google myself 😅 But just like all the rest of the personality tests online, my INFJ classification only reflects a fraction of who I am as a person and as a mother, but quite accurately at that.
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