This is a band I started loving since I was 13 years old—I owe that kid this experience.
I've been to a number of concerts, but I was never the kind to go to every one of them. Concert tickets here in the Philippines are ridiculously priced, that's why I only go if I really LOVE the artist playing. Because in concerts, as in everything else in life, it's only worth it if you love it enough 😊 I first heard a Westlife song play on the radio when I was in 6th grade (Fool Again). The attraction was instant. They sounded so different to me then since both the Backstreet Boys and NSync were singing upbeat and playful tunes. Meanwhile, this European boyband was giving me a more grown-up, demure vibe. AND their songs are so easy to sing-along to! I kept blasting the radio's volume up whenever their song played and it only took a couple of days for my dad to take the hint and buy me my first-ever self-owned CD: Westlife, 1999 (self-titled). I've known all the lines to their songs by heart ever since, and would sing my heart and lungs out passionately, sometimes to our neighbors annoyance. I LOVED this band and at 13 years old, I swore to myself I would see them on stage one day. Just this week, I fulfilled that promise and it changed my life.
A World of My Own
Going to a concert all by myself has always been in my bucket list. This was particularly difficult to fulfill though, as I wasn't the type who enjoy being on my own in crowds. I felt like I always needed someone there with me who I can dance, sing-along, and scream with. For this particular concert however, it was somewhat an easy decision. I celebrated my 32nd birthday just days prior the concert making it more like a gift to myself.
After turning 32, I had this awakening - sort of like a eureka moment - where I realized that I needed to own my joy more. This meant not relying on anybody, especially my husband, for my own happiness. And this ultimately meant being responsible for my own happiness and doing it as an obligation not just to myself but to my son who apparently relies on it more than I do. And so - throwing all budget worries in the trash because let's face it we can always earn back the money we use to invest in our happiness - I went—alone. My husband's obviously not as big of a fan of Westlife as I am, and I felt like it was time I liberate myself to enjoy something I really love on my own.
It was like Flying Without Wings
Apart from excitement, I had serious anxiety coming to this as I didn't know what to expect attending a concert solo-flight. I've been used to having my husband with me everywhere I go, so the thought of not having him beside me amidst that sea of excited people was really terrifying. But it was also him who reminded me that I'll be in the company of equally adoring fans, so technically, I won't be alone.
True enough, the Araneta crowd that night was basically an excited group of people who have the same intense amount of love for these boys. My husband bade me farewell at the gate and reminded me to have fun. I instantly forgot about my anxieties when I entered the venue.
My closest friends know how much I love all five of them, including Brian Mcfadden who left the band years before. However, my heart has always been particularly fixated to Mark Feehily ever since - nobody can belt those rifts and runs better than he does 😍 The moment they entered the stage, I completely lost it. This was my first time seeing my favorite boy band EVER, so I was basically a 15-year-old girl seeing One Direction in concert for the first time (sorry, I couldn't think of a better comparison). And in my eyes, they never aged! It was a nostalgic cruise down memory lane and they did't let the crowd down when it came to the well-loved classics like Fool Again, Uptown Girl, Queen of My Heart, Swear it Again, and When You're Looking Like That. Shane Filan's voice was the same since they started—it's angelic and unlike any other. And Mark ❤️ He's just as dreamy as I imagined. He's a true diva and I still sometimes wish I was a gay guy so we can be together.
My breath was completely taken away—particularly during their 5-track Queen tribute. The songs sounded like they were written to have Westlife remake them eventually. They also sang some of their newer songs like Hello My Love, Dynamite, and Better Man, and as what you'd expect from fans, we knew all the words to these songs just as their classics. They're also very well aware how much the Philippines loves them and they spoiled their fans that night by singing as much Pinoy-loved Westlife tracks regardless if it has to be acapella. By the time they sang My Love and Flying Without Wings, I completely lost control of my emotions. These two songs have the biggest place in my heart for some reason, and I just felt like there's no use to holding back my tears at that point. Yes, I came to this concert on my own so I didn't know the people beside me and I didn't care. And yes, I'm that person who cries at concerts—embarrassing, but not sorry. I have so much love for this band, and it felt liberating to show just that and allow myself to wallow in the moment, spread my wings, and just fly.
No But's or Maybe's
Ever since becoming a mother myself, I felt like this journey entails a lot of conditions. As mothers, we have the option to keep our careers BUT are also expected to be the primary parent while doing so. We can go after the same things we used to love as our younger selves BUT MAYBE with a bit more moderation since we can't be absent at home for too long. We earn our own money BUT our family's needs should always come before ours. These were unspoken rules in our house but my husband and my mom would often give me looks that suggest they have this certain expectation, especially whenever I try to communicate wanting to do something for myself. After my 32nd birthday, I made a promise to myself to let go of all the But's and Maybe's when it comes to my happiness at the very least. I had a serious and a very emotional discussion with my husband about this, to which he became ultimately supportive of. Because in as much we need to put our family's welfare and needs on top of everything we do, we also have this obligation to look after ourselves—I had to journey through a long and difficult process before I came to peace with this. I had to learn the hard way that our happiness and emotional health are our sole responsibility. We can't expect other people to do this for us. Our husbands maybe the primary decision makers in the house, but when it comes to our joy, we are in charge. So this year, I am rolling out #OwningMyJoy Project and to kick things off, I went out to see my most favorite boy band in person. More about the #OwningMyJoy Project on a later post 😉
What this experience taught me was that it's never really too late to fan-girl, even for a 32-year-old momma like myself. After almost losing my voice from singing my heart and lungs out and screaming Mark's name, I came out of that concert venue with a joyful and contented heart. And ultimately, I came home to my peacefully sleeping baby with an uplifted spirit. My son and husband woke up the next day to a mommy who has a big smile on her face ♡ It actually lingered for a few more days.
We all have that song that we play back every time we need an escape may it be from a stressful task at work, a fussy baby, a messy house, or to simply get out of a restless mind. Or it may not be a song. Like in this case, it can be screaming your ass off at a concert, or reading a book, gardening, cleaning the house, or whatever it is that makes your heart really flutter. It can be for a short while, but I learned that those little moments of joy are crucial. It took me a while, but I learned that my family actually deserves my more joyful self more than I do. But it really feels good to finally give myself this. It's not always easy, but I guess that's the point.
Owning our joy is hard work, but it's an investment we need to make. It is more than self-care because a joyful soul is a combination of all those little moments we commit to.
And for my #OwningMyJoy project, it starts off with my solo-flight adventure to Westlife's sold-out #TheTwentyTour concert here in Manila ♡ Worth every f*ck*ng grand!!!
I swore to myself that I'll see them again next year when they return for their Spectrum album tour and I'll swear it all over again 💙
All concert images used in this post (except for my blurry, amateur selfie by the concert poster) are by the very talented Johan Andrew Ocampo (JAO) @ocamproductions - published with permission.
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