March 14, 2019
I look at you tonight marveling at your innocent, peaceful face
Then I thought to myself, "Am I a bad mother?"
I'm sorry for almost yelling at you earlier
You've got so much energy and you didn't know what to do with it
I'm sorry for taking away that piece of twig you were playing with
You're so curious of the world, of the things and life around you,
and you want to feel everything in your tiny palms
I'm sorry I had to close my eyes a bit while I was feeding you on my chest
You were staring at me like I'm the most important person in your universe,
like I'm the most beautiful thing there is,
like I'm the only thing that matters
But instead of sharing that moment with you, I had to close my eyes
Because
momma's tired from running, doing things around all day
momma's scared that twig's gonna hurt your delicate face
momma's terrified other people will look at you like you'll be incapable of
controlling your high-strung energy
But tonight I had to remind myself
of your littleness that is fleeting
I had to tell myself you are but a young soul trying to understand life for the first time
Tomorrow you will wake
and I am still the most important person in the universe for you
Despite my temper, my fears, my anxiety
I don't ever want to be a bad mother
For the most perfect, beautiful, forgiving child.
Words by Maan Parafina
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